Last November, we found out that we were bringing a new life into this world. We were not done with our conversion, but were getting ready to move in in just a months' time. As we have stated several times, this really gave the 'School of Life' new meaning to us. After months of growing and preparation for our baby boy, Kalon Sage. He was due July 16th and at 41 weeks and 5 days, he finally joined us July 28, 2016 at 7:35 am. He weighed 9 pounds, 22.5 inches long, and had a 15 inch head! We decided to bring our little man into the world in the most natural way possible. Here I will share his birth story and what it meant to me, Tamra. Please note that I do not judge the way anyone else brings their baby into the world, I think everyone should do what feels right to them. I am going to share what worked for us and why we chose the path we did.
I had some expectations of how I wanted my labor and delivery to go, however; I had read in "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" not to put too much weight on a birthing plan because there is no way to truly know what will end up working for you. After my experience I can say that statement is so very true. I wanted to deliver my baby through water birth, I was going to decline the eye antibiotic, and I wanted to deliver my placenta while it was still attached to my baby. Of those three things, I did none of the above. I wanted to share my experience to let moms know that it may not go as planned, but that doesn't take away from the beauty of your experience, no matter how tough it is. I never thought as I was going through everything, this is not what I wanted. I was having my baby in a safe and supportive environment surrounded by loved ones and that, most importantly, is what I wanted.
Pre Labor: At 3:00 am on Tuesday morning I woke up in pain. I went to the restroom to find that I was in the very beginning stages of labor. I was super excited at this point knowing that it was finally happening though I didn't know how long I would be at this stage. The next day, I didn't tell many people due to not knowing how long I would be in pre-labor. I went for a walk outside in the Texas heat, bounced on my exercise ball, ate pineapple with the core and everything imaginable to try and keep this progressing. I was afraid it would stop, however, my midwife assured me that real labor doesn't stop and that I needed to get rest. It was hard to rest because I was so excited, the contractions continued the whole day and were very mild. I kept my midwife updated through text as I felt any changes. At 4:30 pm I sat down and thought my water had broke, but it was more consequence of the cervix thinning. At around 8:50 pm I was having pretty consistent contractions 4-5 minutes apart lasting 30-45 seconds long. She told me when my contractions were getting too uncomfortable to be at home, usually lasting 1 minute and 3 minutes apart to call her and I could come in. I tried to sleep and couldn't, the contractions picked up and were lasting about a minute and were 2-4 minutes apart. To me at the time they seemed intense and I thought, "okay, this is it." So at 12:50 am Wednesday we went into the birthing center. When I got there, she checked me only to discover I was only dilated to 2 cm. I was so disappointed. She went back to bed and we decided since we were already there we would stay at the birthing center and try and get some rest.
I had some expectations of how I wanted my labor and delivery to go, however; I had read in "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" not to put too much weight on a birthing plan because there is no way to truly know what will end up working for you. After my experience I can say that statement is so very true. I wanted to deliver my baby through water birth, I was going to decline the eye antibiotic, and I wanted to deliver my placenta while it was still attached to my baby. Of those three things, I did none of the above. I wanted to share my experience to let moms know that it may not go as planned, but that doesn't take away from the beauty of your experience, no matter how tough it is. I never thought as I was going through everything, this is not what I wanted. I was having my baby in a safe and supportive environment surrounded by loved ones and that, most importantly, is what I wanted.
Pre Labor: At 3:00 am on Tuesday morning I woke up in pain. I went to the restroom to find that I was in the very beginning stages of labor. I was super excited at this point knowing that it was finally happening though I didn't know how long I would be at this stage. The next day, I didn't tell many people due to not knowing how long I would be in pre-labor. I went for a walk outside in the Texas heat, bounced on my exercise ball, ate pineapple with the core and everything imaginable to try and keep this progressing. I was afraid it would stop, however, my midwife assured me that real labor doesn't stop and that I needed to get rest. It was hard to rest because I was so excited, the contractions continued the whole day and were very mild. I kept my midwife updated through text as I felt any changes. At 4:30 pm I sat down and thought my water had broke, but it was more consequence of the cervix thinning. At around 8:50 pm I was having pretty consistent contractions 4-5 minutes apart lasting 30-45 seconds long. She told me when my contractions were getting too uncomfortable to be at home, usually lasting 1 minute and 3 minutes apart to call her and I could come in. I tried to sleep and couldn't, the contractions picked up and were lasting about a minute and were 2-4 minutes apart. To me at the time they seemed intense and I thought, "okay, this is it." So at 12:50 am Wednesday we went into the birthing center. When I got there, she checked me only to discover I was only dilated to 2 cm. I was so disappointed. She went back to bed and we decided since we were already there we would stay at the birthing center and try and get some rest.
However, there was no resting for me, laying down caused the worst contractions and I was so sick to my stomach. I spent two hours pretty much on the toilet the whole time. JT was getting some rest and I was fighting my upset stomach and contractions for several hours. I kept waking him up because I was in pain and there were several times when I asked him to just take me to the hospital. I think finding out I was only dilated to 2 cm and was in the pain I was in really freaked me out mentally because I didn't see how I could last through the pain if it was progressing so slow. At about 4:00 am, I broke down and called my midwife telling her that I was in so much pain that it had to have progressed. So she came over and checked me and it was still the same. This was even more Earth shattering, I could not see an end in sight. She went back to bed and I spent the rest of the night dozing off between contractions and on the toilet. At 6:45 am I had JT text her an ask her if when she got up if she could come over and I could get in the tub to try and relax some because I was miserable. She came over there about 7:15 am to get the tub ready and check me, I had made progress and was at about 4 cm dilated! Why that wasn't much progress, it was progress, it lifted my spirits a bit and that meant I was finally in active labor!
Active Labor: When I think of active labor, I think of ACTION, like things should be moving faster. For some that is the case, and for others, like myself, it is not. I labored in the tub for several hours without being checked or anything, just trying to ride the waves of the contractions and let my body do what it needed to. I had really bad back labor the whole time. JT, my friend Amanda, the assistant Jennifer, and the midwife Audrey all took turns spraying my back with hot water or rubbing my back. My parents brought us by some breakfast and after one bite of a breakfast taco and one sip of orange juice it was back to the toilet. Eating between contractions is not very easy. Since that was a fail, I ate a bit of pita bread and part of a granola bar. My mother-in-law went to get me a bag of ice, the little kind like Sonic ice because my throat was hurting from all the heavy breathing. At lunch time, I was dilated to 5 cm. I had to get out of the tub for a little bit and try and move around. I was getting stiff, pruney, and my legs were swelling and hurting. At around 3:30, I threw up, contractions escalated and I was finally dilated to 7 cm. We told our families they could come since we were entering transition. We assumed he would be here in just a few short hours!
Transition: Family started arriving and I was back and forth between the tub and birthing stool. At this time they started rubbing oils and creams on my back with the massaging as well. Audrey also rubbed my legs and feet because they were so swollen and hurting. Several hours later, at 7:00 pm I was finally dilated to an 8. We were so close, yet we didn't know how far we really were. At 8:00 pm she checked me and I was still about the same and she said that my sack was super thick and she didn't think he was being able to push hard enough against my cervix to get it to open the rest of the way. She asked if I wanted her to break my water so he would fall down and hopefully progress things. The only problem would be if he didn't come within 12 hours I would have to be on antibiotics afterwards. I was hopeful that he would come before 12 hours and told her to go ahead, I was ready to get him out! We found out when she broke my water that he had used the restroom in the womb and there was a lot meconium in the fluid. It is very common for that to occur especially going so far past the due date. At this point I was pretty much out of the tub and just trying different positions to labor in. At 10:30 pm I was finally at 9 cm. There was a flap of cervix that would just not thin and she thought for a little bit we could just push through it, but then she decided to give it a little more time. She had me walking around the room and when contractions came I had to do a squat or a rocking lunge. It was very painful and my moans, along with the time, were starting to have our families worried. I just wanted to push, I was getting upset, the pain and exhaustion was really starting to wear on me.
Finally, I reached 9.5 cm and she allowed me to push every other contraction. I returned to the tub to try and escape some of the pain for a little bit. I found it really hard not to push every contraction, the pushing just felt so much more progressive and allowed me to release some of the pressure on my body. JT was by the tub helping me through the contractions, while everyone else was trying to get some rest. I remember at one point, we kept making predictions about what time he would come. We kept thinking one more hour and then that time would pass and we would make another prediction. She came over and checked me again after about an hour or so and she said I only had about 1 mm of cervix that just would not go away. She said we could push past it though so I started pushing every contraction. The pain was intense, but I felt hopeful that the end was finally near. At around midnight, she said his head was literally hanging out just about an inch from the outside. He seemed to stay right there so she suggested we move to the bed and get in a position that we could have him out in about ten minutes. I forget what the position was called, but it was me laying on my back pulling my knees up to my chest. We tried that for a while and he still was not moving down, so then we moved to the birthing stool. At different times, she would use her hands to feel what was going on during my contractions and push different pressure points which intensified the contractions. She also used hot herbal soaked towels and oil to help during pushing. When I was on the birthing stool, I was able to finally push his head past the cervix with her help pushing it out of the way when I was pushing. At this point, I start getting a little bit fuzzy because I was just in this whirlwind of pushing and exhaustion. I was drinking Gatorade and they had me breathing in from an oxygen tank here and there. We kept moving back and forth from tub, to bed, to birthing stool and he just would not come out. My mom was worried that I was not going to be able to have him. Audrey, my midwife, assured her that the only way I could not have him is if I was just too tired to push him out. She had me squatting next to the bed and pushing and my legs just could not handle it so they moved the stool behind me so I could sit on it. My mom was holding my hands and I was pulling so hard on her when I was pushing that it gave her a cramp (I had no idea this happened until afterwards).
I ended up leaning back sitting on the birthing stool pushing my back against my best friend, Amanda, and putting my feet up on the ledge of the bed. This was the position that finally worked. He started crowing and everyone was cheering me on. Every time I would stop pushing he would go right back up, this meant I needed to bite down and really push and give it my all. I was pushing at least three times in a row every contraction, just taking a deep breath in between the pushes. Finally, I could feel he was coming and I was doing everything I could to get him out. I got part of his head out finally and it stayed there so they told me I could rest a minute if I wanted to. I just remember the intense burning sensation I was feeling, she said it was the 'ring of fire'. I couldn't hold it there long, even though I know it's better if you wait through it (you are less likely to tear), I just couldn't. So I pushed a few more times and...wooh...relief...his head was out! That felt amazing to know that I was literally seconds from holding my baby! They told me to rest a minute and let them know when I was ready. I was ready, I started pushing, Audrey wiggled him and out he came kicking me and everything! They threw him up on my chest and I was holding my little man for the first time after over 8 hours of pushing. I was so tired that I didn't cry like I thought I would, I was just so relieved that he was finally here and it was over...so I thought.
She was feeling his umbilical cord and waiting for it to stop beating. She said, "I know you wanted to wait to clamp it, but we can't." As soon as it turned white and it stopped beating, she clamped it and cut it. She laid him down and they started rubbing and tapping on him to get him to cry, he was only letting out little cries and would not really let it out. She moved him over to the other side of the bed and had the assistant keep tending to him. Then she told me I needed to get up on the bed. When I stood up, I was afraid I was going to fall, there was a huge puddle of blood, I didn't know that it was not normal. She helped me on the bed and was checking me out. She said she was going to give me an injection of pintocin. She started doing stuff down there, I didn't know what at the time, and told me to push. She was reaching inside of me to help me get the placenta out, once I knew that I was so confused. I cried out, "I thought it could take like 45 minutes to birth the placenta." She informed me that yes that was true, but not when losing blood like I was. So we got the placenta out, it was huge and folded in half because it was so big. She said my umbilical cord was the longest one she had ever seen. She also ended up giving me an injection of methotrexate as well after the placenta was out. Finally, I could relax a minute and I got my baby back while they cleaned everything up.
We let our family come in and see him right quick. They gave us a little bit to just rest and be together, then they came over to check me out. I did have a few tears, so they numbed the area with lidocaine injections and stitched me up right quick. While they were doing this, he actually latched on and nursed a little bit, my heart melted. Then they took him and did his measurements, weight, and gave him a bath. I originally would not have given him a bath on the first day, but he had meconium and blood all over him and had no vernix so he had to be bathed. While they did this I was finally able to eat!!! I was so hungry and probably dehydrated after all of that.
I was so tired and not feeling very well, but I was on cloud 9. I couldn't wait to get him home and us curl up and take a nap together. I stayed at the birthing center for about 4 hours before heading home. They wanted to make sure that my bleeding slowed down and that my blood pressure and everything was okay. It took me several days for my emotions to set in about the whole situation. Once he was born, I knew that the process was hard, but I didn't really care anymore. My baby was here and we were healthy and that is all that mattered. I did get the eye antibiotic for him because one of his eyes were really crusty and with being in the meconium I decided I'd rather be safe than end up with an eye infection. The days following were slow and hard, but beautiful. I would just look at him and start crying because I just couldn't believe that he was here and I loved him so much. The thought of loving something so much was scary because if anything ever happened to him I couldn't imagine how I would go on. I just want to hold him in my arms and protect him from everything his whole life.
As a reflection now that it has been a while, would I do it the same way if I had a choice? I most definitely would do it the same way. Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes. I could not imagine going through all of that labor being confined to a hospital bed and being hooked up to monitors. The midwife just checked my blood pressure and his heartrate periodically. Being able to move around and change positions saved me and if I had been forced to have him on my back I don't know how long it would have taken. The pain was intense and the whole labor was exhausting, but my relationship with my son is great. I have had zero problems with milk production, if anything I make too much milk. I'm not saying that you can't have those things in different environments, but certain situations do decrease your chances for a positive breastfeeding relationship. Being comfortable and in a supportive environment to you is most important and this was that for me. I am certain that if I had tried to have him at the hospital, I would have either been forced to get an episiotomy or a C-section. Too many times professionals jump to the conclusion that a woman cannot have their baby on their own. Well I knew that I could have my baby on my own and my support team knew that I could have my baby on my own. So even though it took forever, my body did what it was intended to on its own terms. I am so thankful for my experience and I feel like a superhero. The feeling of knowing what all you went through and accomplished to bring a perfect new life into this world cannot be replaced, for him, I would do it time and time again.
Special thank you to my husband, JT, for not taking me to the hospital when I asked and believing in me when I was doubting myself. He is the best Dad to our son and best husband to me. Through this time of healing I would be lost without him. Thank you to my best friend, Amanda, for being there and supporting me through labor and after. There were times I don't know what I would have done without her there, she has been amazing through everything. Kalon and I are lucky to have your love. Thank you to Audrey and Jennifer from The Baby Place Birthing Center, for believing in me and motivating me when I was doubting myself and feeling broken. I can never repay or thank you guys enough for giving me the labor and delivery experience that I had. Thank you to my amazing mother for being there and pushing me when I really needed it. Thank you for taking such good care of Kalon, JT, and me the past few weeks, we are forever grateful for your love and support. Thank you to all of our family for being there and being supportive and loving when we really needed it. I'm so thankful that Kalon has all of you in his life. I love you all.